Breathe again
by The silly goose
Summary: This is my version of HTTYD. I didn't like the fact that Hiccup forgave everyone after years of being abused, both physically and verbally. I would've held that grudge to my deathbed!
1. Chapter 1

Hiccup couldn't remember a time when he'd felt anger. He'd felt a heap of other emotions; resentment, angst, and loneliness being the top three, but never anger. Now, as he thought back on his life, when he'd been a runt that no one wanted to acknowledge, he was baffled with himself. Had he truly thought of himself as a useless nobody? Surely he had talked back, replied, complained? Well, if he had, no one bad bothered to listen. The other Vikings had just waved his complaints away, not even pretending to care.

Even his dad had ignored him, like when he came home bruised and beaten from bumping into Snotlout. Why? Because they were Vikings, and Vikings didn't complain about a broken bone, or a chopped of foot. They'd deal with it, because it was in their blood. A Viking that complained about a cut or a bruise- that's not a Viking, that's a wimp! And the Berkians had declared Hiccup the biggest wimp of all, just because he didn't like the feeling of bruised ribs, or the pain of sprained wrists. No, he should just learn to live with it, because that's what it meant to be a true Viking. And he thought of Berk as home?

Why? Berk was anything _but_ a home. Countless times Hiccup had imagined leaving the village and all its inhabitants behind. It would've just been him and the world, all ready for him to explore, to find a place where he could fit in, where he would be accepted for being himself. If such a place even existed…

At least he could hide in the forge. There it was just him and Gobber, who, occasionally treated him like a human being. Out of all people on Berk, Gobber was the one Hiccup felt closest to. How weird was that? He felt closer to his father's best friend than to his father. That wasn't how it was supposed to be. Stoick should be the one to teach Hiccup how to prepare to live his life, how to deal with any obstacles that might get in the way, not Gobber. But, if Hiccup even as much as asked his dad for help, this was his answer:

"Not now, Hiccup, I'm busy. Now, go inside so I don't have to worry about you getting in the way."

And Hiccup was supposed to just accept that? Accept that his own dad couldn't be bothered to help his own son?

Yep, his life sure was one to be envied…

-00-

But that had all changed when Hiccup had found Toothless. Well, not everything changed at once, he was still treated like dirt by the rest of his tribe, but there was one thing that did change. He wasn't alone anymore. He finally had a friend who liked him, who wanted to spend time with him. A friend who comforted him when he was sad, who laughed with him when he was happy. Hiccup couldn't imagine his life without Toothless in it. It felt like he'd started a new life, and left his old one behind, never to be remembered again.

And Hiccup got to see the world from a whole new perspective. He was the first Viking to see the world from a dragon's point of view. And it was amazing! Living life on the ground now felt so… boring. When Hiccup was flying with Toothless, he truly felt like the world was just beyond reach. All they had to do was reach out and grab it. And oh, how Hiccup wanted to. How he wanted to leave everything and everyone behind and start a new life with Toothless. He had actually planned it all out, in case life on Berk got worse, if that was even possible. He was sure he and his best friend could do anything they set out to do, as long as they had each other. What else could you possibly need?

But then, it got worse.  
Hiccup was chosen to slay the Monstrous Nightmare. This was his worst fears coming to life. He couldn't kill a dragon, he didn't _want_ to kill a dragon! But did anyone listen? Of course not.  
He'd decided to leave Berk that very night, he couldn't bear to stay there a minute longer. He'd packed a basked with clothes and food, and headed for the cove, where he knew Toothless waited for him. If only he'd known he was being followed…

Astrid had ruined everything. Jealousy had reared its ugly head; she couldn't bear the thought of someone else being better than her, at anything. And he'd had a crush on her? Just because she was attractive? He'd really been pathetic back then, huh?

She'd seen Toothless. She'd tried to kill Toothless. Hiccup had never been as afraid as in that moment when Astrid raised her axe to his friend. He couldn't live without Toothless. He'd grabbed the axe and thrown it away, far from his dragon. He knew she was going to run back to the village and tell his dad. He knew Stoick would order Toothless to be killed. He knew he couldn't, _wouldn't_ let that happen.

So, it was with this fierce determination, Hiccup grabbed the basket, got up on Toothless, and left.


	2. Chapter 2

Leaving Berk was one of the best things Hiccup and Toothless could've done. No longer would they have to worry about being followed, or panic every time they heard the snap of a twig in the forest. Hiccup's whole being felt lighter. As if a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. No more scorn and ridicule. No more bullying or mocking. He was finally free.

He thought of his dad. Would he be sad, when he learned Hiccup had left? Would he be happy? Angry? Why should he have the right to be angry? If anyone should be angry, it was Hiccup. No parent should treat their child as if he was useless. As if he weren't capable of doing anything by himself. As if he wasn't worth the time of day.

Feeling a sudden rage bubbling up from inside, Hiccup threw his head back and screamed, long and loud. Toothless crooned in concern and question, and Hiccup gently stroked his friend's side. "I'm alright, Bud," he said and smiled, "that felt really good. You should try it, too." Toothless did, and his roar echoed amongst the clouds, leaving Hiccup laughing in delight.

-00—

A week had passed since Astrid had come running through the village while screaming at the top of her lungs. Stoick had been called to the Great Hall where he heard the news about his son. Hiccup. His only child. If Astrid's story was to be believed, he'd left while sitting on the back of a _dragon_! But that was impossible. No Viking had ever ridden a dragon. And if any Viking ever should, could or would, it wouldn't be Hiccup. Hiccup, who could barely carry an axe. Hiccup, who wanted to read and study instead of fighting. No, it had to be a lie.

He'd told her that, but she had promised on her ancestors' blood she'd seen Hiccup interact with a dragon. Interact, as in petting it, talking to it, riding it. According to her, the dragon had been wearing a saddle. It had to be a lie.

Hiccup wouldn't do that. He wouldn't betray his tribe like that; befriending the very beasts that killed them and stole their food.

No. Stoick refused to believe it. It had to be lie.

Astrid had offered to take him to the place where she'd followed him. Walking through the forest, Stoick had seen the outlines of a trail, leading through the trees. Someone had to have been walking back and forth endless times, to leave a mark such as a trail.

By the time they reached the cove, it was dawn. Stoick hadn't known what he would see, but he had prepared himself for the worst. He'd frowned as he spotted a shield wedged between two boulders. How did that get there? Did Hiccup put that there on purpose? To keep others away? He'd easily broken the shield, enabling him to enter through the small passage that lead into the cove.

Astrid had pointed out where she'd seen Hiccup, carrying a basket and where the dragon had been. She'd shown him her axe, still lying on the ground, and told him how Hiccup had ripped it out of her hands when she'd tried to kill the dragon. Hiccup had protected the dragon from Astrid? Hiccup had protected a dragon from a Viking? No, it couldn't be true. And yet… there was something inside Stoick, a small part that knew it was true.

Hiccup had chosen a side. And it wasn't the Vikings.

-00-

A week had passed and Stoick had called of the search for his son. It was obvious that Hiccup and his... dragon no longer were on Berk. Why would they be, when that beast could fly anywhere it wished? Why had Hiccup left? He'd done so well in the Dragon Training, defeating the dragons long before the others had a chance to even try. Had Hiccup gained his knowledge about dragons from interacting with his own? Stoick scowled and banged his head against the back of the chair. He hated the thought of Hiccup having a dragon that he called his own. Dragons were supposed to be killed, not befriended. How could his son turn his back to his own tribe? Hadn't he been happy? Stoick had the impression that Hiccup and Gobber were good friends, whereas he and his own son weren't nearly as close. Every time he'd tried to talk to his son, he'd frozen up. They had absolutely nothing in common, which made it even harder to think of something to talk about!

But with Gobber, Hiccup shared the knowledge of the forge. Surely he must've told Gobber something about that dragon of his during his time in there? But no such luck. His best friend since childhood had promised that he'd never known about the boy's secrets.

"That boy can't lie to save his life, but he's sure good at keeping his secrets secret," his friend said with a shrug.

But why had Hiccup chosen to keep his dragon a secret? Why hadn't he just told Stoick right away? The answer came to Stoick with more than a little resignation. Because if he'd known about Hiccup's dragon, he would've killed it.

But if he didn't want to fight and kill dragons, why had he agreed to join the training? Stoick thought back on the night he'd agreed to let Hiccup train, and froze in his seat. Had Hiccup actually said he wanted to join? No, he hadn't. He'd said he didn't want to kill dragons. But, as usual, Stoick went on, not concerned with what his son had to say. Hiccup had said he didn't want to fight dragons. He'd _told_ him, and yet…

Stoick sighed and buried his head in his hands. All this seemed to come down to one thing; his inability to listen to his son- actually listen. If he had, then maybe he wouldn't be gone. Maybe he'd still be in Berk, instead of flying around on that beast of his.

Gobber often told him his biggest flaw was to hear only what he wanted to hear, not what was actually being said. How right he was.

"Oh, son...," Stoick whispered into his hands, "it's all my fault."


End file.
